i jhust puked up my retainher.
You smell like stripper and shame
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
