Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Even my vagina gasped.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
