you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
