what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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