walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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