There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
