We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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