maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
In America we eat man semen.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
