i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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