Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
