Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
