I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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