Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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