The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
