You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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