Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is Oprah even human
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
