i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
