do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
