When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
