i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
