i just wanna soil my oats bro
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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