Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
