im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
