I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
