I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
