Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
