Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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