Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
