i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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