chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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