You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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