I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
