i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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