I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
