my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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