that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
