That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
