dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
