I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
