alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
