I am puke
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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