Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
