You're so nebulous sometimes
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
