What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
