Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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