I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she smelled like a LAN party
Girls should come with a carfax report
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
