just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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