we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
