i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
