new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
