What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
