life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
