Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
